The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored tabo...

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The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity Reviews

  • Kristal
    I won this book from Goodreads. This book should be read by everyone in a serious relationship or maybe before marriage. Very thoughtful and full of insight....
  • Stephanie
    Everyone in a relationship should read THE STATE OF AFFAIRS: Perel is a wonderfully engaging writer, and raises so many thought-provoking questions and opportunities for deep thought and reflection. Marriage in America has gone through so many changes in a relatively short period of time, and this b...
  • Mehrsa
    I'm a huge fan of Perel's super realistic view of marriage. I've been following her work and this book did not disappoint. I know she's a sex therapist and so her focus on sex obviously makes sense and when you are a researcher focused on one thing, you tend to think that that thing is the most impo...
  • Celine
    I appreciate the way Esther Perel has sought to truly understand her clients. I'd like to be able to channel her level of empathy and insight someday. We'd likely all be better partners if more of us did the type of self-reflection and -exploration Perel encourages in The State of Affairs. Often eas...
  • Trish
    Apparently eighty percent of the population has some experience with infidelity, whether through a parent, spouse, friend, or family member. Considering how hurtful and destructive such urges are, it is amazing most of us are still standing. Esther Perel has distilled her years of marriage counselin...
  • Heather
    The funny (and probably unfortunate) thing about reading a book like this is that people automatically assume you're trying to save your marriage or something. haha. I discovered Esther Perel via Dan Savage. I love both their practical approaches to relationships. They deal with the realities of lif...
  • Katie/Doing Dewey
    Summary: Although the point of this book is to broadly examine the phenomenon of infidelity, what I enjoyed most were the anecdotes that gave an unusually intimate glimpse of many relationships."An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, t...
  • Liina Bachmann
    How very limited is our vocabulary and emotional intelligence when it comes to infidelity. Quick to use the stereotyped responses and to protect the romantic ideal that, let's be honest, the a large majority of people are not able to live up to or are unhappy while doing that. Esther Perel gets that...
  • Emmy
    Our partners do not belong to us; they are only on loan, with an option to renew—or not. Knowing that we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment; rather, it mandates an active engagement that long-term couples often lose. The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive shou...

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